My boyfriend and his mother are really close. Part of why I love him is because he is so kind and caring towards her. But somehow she is always coming inbetween us. She is insecure that we are dating, and manipulates him to cancel dates with me and spend time with her. How do I get him to be a little less of a mama's boy?
asked 29 Nov '11, 22:32
I don’t expect my girlfriend (future wife) to be ‘best friends’ and get along amazingly with my mother. I do expect my girlfriend to be very respectful and cordial when dealing with her. Most guys are fully aware that their mothers are crazy, never satisfied, and demanding, but they still mean the world to us because we have been through so much together. This bond will never be broken so don’t try to change him. Just make sure he is aware that if you put on the ‘show’ when you are around his mother, at the end of the day he has to take your side. After all he spends much more time with you and therefore it is in his best interest to make you happier.
answered 01 Dec '11, 04:37
Before we get into this, the reason women like mama's boys is because of that caring respectful way they treat their mothers, and that usually carries over to the caring respectful way they tend to treat the women in their lives.
There are two real solutions to this one:
1. physically moving away from mama ie; other city/country
2. confornting your boyfriend about the situation
3. Secret answer three is manipulating and playing the game as well without telling your boyfriend you vs. mama, but we don't really want to start playing that stupid game do we?
Even though you love that caring side about him the man's loyalty and love to his mother is one thing but his lack of control/strength/independence is another. Mama cares about her son and losing him to another woman is a terrible thing to deal with especially since she insecure that you are dating him. Who is really good enough for her son? The answer is no one.
So to go with option two, talk to your boyfriend and figure out whether or not mama knows how much you love him/care for him want to take care of him, he may not be communicating how happy it is you make him and how you will be a part of his life no matter what and this isn't some random/temporary floozy he's having fun with.
Sometimes, your boyfriend doesn't know she is being manipulative and pulling out the mama card to sabotage the relationship he has with you and here's the thing with the mama card, mama knows that good old son will never say no. It's up to your boyfriend to man up and realize what is happening here and your displeasure towards these events. talk to the brotha, let him see the light only he can confront mama and change the manipulation that is happening here.
This answer is marked "community wiki".
answered 30 Nov '11, 23:09
I tried talking to him, and now we are in a huge fight and he's not speaking to me!
answered 05 Dec '11, 20:39
A romantic relationship no matter what, is going to suffer if a man relies too heavily on his mother. Let's put it this way, this is the primary person in his life for all of his life. this is a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship that will not get weaker after this man starts dating another woman, in fact more often than not it will survive and outlast his relationship with whatever woman he is with even if they are married.
The fact that he is not talking to you because of this makes his relationship with his mother quite strong. It's important to never ever say anything negative about his mother, for she will never do wrong and you will never be right no matter how logical your argument is.
My view is you just have to live with it and not take it too personally, this man will not get rid of his mother and his relationship with his mother is something that he isn't about to drop. So accept it and just realize this is a man who is co-dependent and has his shortcomings.
answered 09 Feb '12, 03:07